On October 22 , 2016 around 8pm eyewitnesses tell us that there were 2 cars (Nissan Gtr , Toyota Skyline) we're racing at breack neck speed on a highway that leads to Downtown Chicago in the afternoon. The witnesses say the 2 male figures were going at about 85 mph , on a sign in the highway it said the maximum you can go was 70 mph. This exceeded the limit , they were later caught by highway patrol.
They might of been charged for speeding we do not know yet.They probably did it for fun or for money, we don't know yet. These types of things happen all the time on the highway, this incident is one of many to come in the future. To prevent this in the future we need to have more highway patrol and have more precautions like lower speed limits.This is a very dangerous situation and it needs to be handled well so in the future incidents like this one do not occur any more.
You need to indent the start of the paragraphs you didn't indent on anything. You did good on the 5 w's. You put many details which was good but you need to be more specific where this happened. Another you should remember is adding a grace note
ReplyDeleteto the story all the words in your piece are common.
Overall it the piece showed all 5 w's and details but the organization is something you should work on.
It was buttery
ReplyDeleteYour revised story is more organized and has a grace note. These additions make the story more composed and interesting to the reader.
ReplyDelete